maybe it once was. maybe it never was. but i want it to be.
There’s sense of completion to the things I post, a sense of finality and of pretty bows. There are answers here.
Not to say the things I write aren’t genuine. There are moments of clarity rather than illusion, of solitude without loneliness, of silence that pulses with life rather than fear. But my guess is that you and I spend most of our time in the threshold. We are here, in the strange space between peace and fear, loneliness and love, communion with God and waking unsettled and unsure if anyone would miss us if we left. We exist in precarious thresholds and it is in these thresholds that I begin to write compulsively.
There are many things I write that I don’t post and won’t post. We all have things we don’t / shouldn’t share. Even more than that, we have thing we cannot share because although we write about them we cannot understand them ourselves.
But I’ve become afraid of writing in liminal spaces, which is where we learn what it is to be human.
Liminal means “occupying a position at, or on both sides of, a boundary” and it’s from the latin word “līmen” which means threshold. In anthropology, liminality is “the quality of ambiguity or disorientation that occurs in the middle stage of rituals, when participants no longer hold their pre-ritual status but have not yet begun the transition to the status they will hold when the ritual is complete.” I also think of it as that moment in a song where you feel alive and connected to what’s happening in the music, but even in that moment, you’re aware that it nearly gone.
And that’s where we are. Or at least where I am. And I want to write into that space and invite us to exist here in the threshold together–here where we do not need answers and we do not need our shit together because do we ever completely have both of those things?
Having said all this to what feels like a nonexistent audience that (if it does exist) perhaps reads the first two paragraphs of what I write, I want to also say I am going to try and be more raw here. I won’t shy away from giving “answers” but i don’t want to focus on them because this is not meant to be the space for that.
Be gentle with me.
I’ve been doing a poor job of being gentle to those around me, sometimes it is easier to be harsh because it gives us a sense of vindication.
Be gentle with each other. We are all fragile and in need of love.
So let’s learn to be gentle here in the liminal spaces of our lives, we are being transformed and we must be present in that.