“Lord God, you reveal yourself to us in so many subversive and unassuming ways. Give us the eyes to see the miracles and resurrection that happen every day. Unclog our ears to hear you, and show us how to get rid of the clutter of our lives that we might make room for you. Amen.”
I can only deal with the past when I search for the resurrection. I can only find the resurrection when I am healed from my blindness to see mystery of the life. I need deep faith to believe the mystery that I am loved by God in order to stop being a consumer (of friendship, of accomplishments, of accolades, of fading bliss).
There have been two deaths in my life this past year. The first was my lifelong (I’m talking our-parents-bathed-us-together-and-show-us-the -pictures) friend Parker Moore. He was kind, young, strong, loving, honest and had the most genuine smile and care for everyone in his path. He is a true hero taken at age 20. The second was my grandpa bill. He was old and sick for a long time, holding onto life longer than we expected.
Before each of these deaths, without any indication they were about to happen, my heart has been reflecting upon resurrection. Before Parker’s untimely death, I saw the bright colors of an oil stain in a puddle on a gray, cloudy Sunday and the beauty of the oil reminded my heart to look for life coming out of what seems dead. After church mom called to tell me what happened to Parker and I wept long and loud. The day before Bill passed, we said the final words of the Nicene creed at church (“we look for the resurrection of the dead”) and they continued to come back to me on Monday morning on the porch before mom called to say Bill passed. I cried quietly at my desk at work untilI realized that I probably needed to excuse myself.
I think on resurrection frequently. But these prophetic musings, I believe, are gifts from God: timely and necessary reminders to me and to all that in the midst of grief, we can remember death does not have the final victory. Our selfishness, pride and anxiety cause death–but in surrender to Jesus there is life (resurrection from sin).
But also, upon the death of those we love, we remember that resurrection neither dulls nor devalues our mourning. In fact, it encourages us to realize in our sorrows that this thing (death) is so horrendous that Jesus bore hell to free us from it. Resurrection grants us the freedom to weep and cry out without leading to ultimate despair. The resurrection says: “do not hurry as walk with grief, it does not help the journey. Walk slowly, pausing often: be not disturbed by memories that come unbidden. Swiftly forgive and let Christ speak for you unspoken words” (Andy Raine) but also, do not lose hope for I am here and I am coming.
There is resurrection in all things surrendered.
On this day, I find myself thinking about mystery and contemplating how to live on this earth in a way that translates to eternity.
On this day, I miss Parker Moore.
Continue reading “[ Funeral Day ]”
I’m tired of the question: “What kinds of things do you write?”
Because I have no idea really. I just write.
Continue reading “on writing–”
To be totally honest, I don’t always know what it means to “love”.
Today I need the resurrection.
Each morning mercy is new, because in the waking up I have a choice to surrender or to cling; I have an opportunity to be about the self, or about love; I have a new day.
It is beautiful.
But today it is hard. Continue reading “Sometimes I don’t know what it means to “Love Jesus””